


Stuttering Stanley

by SyllySyl



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Ableism, Ableist Language, Based on a Tumblr Post, Speech Disorders, alcohol mention, hangovers, practical joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-18 23:29:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4724282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SyllySyl/pseuds/SyllySyl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scout plays a practical joke on a severely hungover Soldier. But things go a little too far when Soldier's anger causes him to pick on Scout's speech impediment. Based on a tumblr post.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuttering Stanley

**Author's Note:**

> Couldn't get the idea out of my head after reading this post: http://syllysyl.tumblr.com/post/128288812819/ello-meno-p-auds-n-3nds-i-just-had-a-tf2-idea

Everyone knew that damn kid was up to something. They could tell simply by the way he was acting. A huge grin on his face, his buck teeth chomping into his bottom lip as he tried not to laugh. For someone who claimed to be a ‘master prankster’ he sure did a bad job of hiding his anticipation. At this point, the mercs were so used to his pranks, they just sighed and let it happen, praying it wasn’t on one of them. 

It was a slow morning, since almost everyone had been up the night before celebrating a victory. Of course, that led to some harsh hangovers in the morning, many cups of black coffee, and going through almost the entire stock of asprin. After all, they had a battle to get to that day, and there were no such things as sick days. Surprisingly, the one to get hit the hardest was Soldier, who drank so much during the festivities, it was a miracle he didn’t wake up in Respawn from alcohol poisoning. He stumbled into the kitchen last, his helmet low on his head to hide his eyes from the harsh light. Seeing him, everyone now knew why Scout had been acting so giddy.

Soldier’s beloved helmet was painted, and rather artistically at that. Someone—the Scout—had painted it so the top half of Soldier’s head made him look like a woman. There were yellow curls painted over the sides and what looked like a pink hat painted right on top. Over his eyes were two blue, very exaggerated eyes with long eyelashes, blue eye shadow, and eyeliner. It lined up so perfectly with how he wore the helmet, some mercs couldn’t help but snicker at how comical it looked. 

Scout, however, was full on laughing, rocking back and forth in his chair and trying not to make any noise to alert the Soldier. He wanted to see how long this would last. The poor Soldier didn’t notice anything, dragging his feet to the coffee pot and pouring himself a cup, taking a long gulp of the scalding liquid. He sat heavily at the table with an apple, too nauseous to try for one of his ridiculous ‘American’ breakfasts. Usually so pumped for yet another battle, now he just couldn’t wait to get back to bed and hide from light and sound.

Some of the mercs tried to ignore it, like the Sniper and Spy, who looking down at their champion breakfast of coffee and cigarettes. Others looked nervously at each other, like Medic and the Engineer, who gave each other nervous looks. Someone had to tell him, because knowing Scout, he’d just let him go into battle like that. 

Finally, Engineer spoke up, “Ehh, Jane?”

The Soldier grunted in response, Engineer’s usually soft voice cutting through his skull like a saw.

“You ahh…got a little somethin’ on yer helmet…”

Again, another grunt. Which set Scout off. Breaking his silence, the boy snorted as he laughed verbally, pounding the table, which caused several of his teammates to moan in pain.

Instantly, Soldier knew. He tore off his helmet and flipped it over, his gray complexions turning purple in rage. He looked up to see the damn kid laughing his ass off, wiping tears and making his migraine that much worse. 

“G-g-g-g-go-got y-y-y--.” The boy didn’t even finish his sentence, too winded from laughing to even make the effort. It wasn’t even a tasteful prank, and yet the kid was losing his shit!

Soldier was not laughing, and everyone took a few steps back from Scout, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire. 

“You think this is funny, boy? Defiling a man’s private property?”

Scout wiped away a tear, still chuckling, but more or less calmed down now. He knew he’d get a verbal lashing from Soldier, but damn was it worth it! 

“C-c-c-c-c-c…c-c-could-d-d-dn’t r-r-r-r-res-s-s-s-sist.” Scout grinned good naturedly. After all, it was all in good fun. None of his pranks were really to harm his fellow teammates, and this particular prank was meant to be ironic, since Soldier was the manliest man he knew. 

Soldier, however, was less than amused. He was absolutely furious, seething in his seat, his precious helmet used as a Goddamn joke. The lack of sleep, the horrible hangover, and now his helmet. He’d had enough. He reached across the table and grabbed Scout by the front of his shirt, dragging him over the table. Scout’s smile dropped and he went to try and pry Soldier’s hands off him, but the man was known for his strength and grip, if his weapon of choice was any proof of that. Scout swallowed, trying to defend himself. Although, he was having a pretty hard time, his nervousness making it even harder for him to speak. “H-h-h-h-h-h…h-h-hey m-m-m-m-m-maaaaan-n-n. D-d-d-d-d-doooooon’t…” He trailed off, trying to focus. He could think a million miles a minute, but the words were always so slow coming out. They were right there, the words were right there!

Soldier, however, had had enough. He pushed the Scout away with disdain, making the younger man stumble back into his seat, smoothing the wrinkles in his shirt. 

“What’s wrong with you, boy, cat got your tongue?” Soldier sneered. Scout’s heart dropped in his chest, and his eyes widened. He instantly tried to defend himself, but couldn’t even get an entire word out, his heart beating too fast. 

“I-I-I-I-I-I-IIIII…” Damnit!!

“C’mon, private, I’m tired of your games! Either shut up or stop being a Stuttering Stanley and spit it out!” 

“Jane!” Three mercs cried out in unison. 

“WHAT!?” Soldier screamed, snapping to look at the rest of the team. They are wore long frowns on their faces, some looking at Soldier with shocked expressions, and some looking at Scout with something close to sympathy. Soldier took a few deep breaths before saying in a calmer tone, “What? The kid can never get a damn sentence out!”

“Sol-”

“It takes him a full minute just to tell a single joke!”

“Soldi-”

“And I’m fucking sick and tired of listening to his constant stuttering all damn da-!”

“Jane Doe!” Demoman put his hand on Soldier’s shoulder, but the man just shrugged it off, looking back at Scout to eat him out for ruining his helmet. But then he stopped, seeing his face. 

Soldier has been through many a war, has had many troops under his watch, some younger than Scout. He’s angered and scared his troops many times, to prepare them for what’s to come. Everything he did was always for them, and in the long run he liked to think they knew that. But never, in his many years of looking over men and boys, has anyone looked at him like how Scout was right then. The boy’s eyes were wide and trembling, his fingers gripping the chair, his jaw set and shaking as he held back tears. He looked like Soldier had just betrayed him, just handed him over to the enemy and let them have his way with him. Except now Soldier knew, he was the enemy here.   
Now he realized what he said. What sort of impact those words probably had on the Scout. He knew the boy looked up to him, even if he had a funny way of showing it. His sneer dropped into a deep frown and he instinctively reached out to comfort the boy, to apologize. But before he could get the words out of his mouth, Scout jumped from his chair and sprinted from the room, pushing through his teammates and just getting out of there as fast as he could, leaving Soldier there with his arm outstretched and an apology on the tip of his tongue. But the words just wouldn’t come out.


End file.
